Is This Thing On?

This post will make no sense to anyone but me. Well, except maybe Rachel. I really want to start writing again and this is me easing my way back into it. I may even *gasp* buy a computer to do my writing on. (I haven’t owned a computer in about three years). Anyway, this is a compilation of mostly one line text messages I have sent to Rachel over the past few months. They’re not really taken out of context as there usually is no context. I tend to text whatever pops into my head. My brain is a strange, strange place. Hopefully this gets me writing again. We shall see. Enjoy.

It’s weird when mannequins have nipples.

So I shaved my legs this morning because I’m fancy. And I cut myself. ON THE THUMB.

Segway tour! Segway tour!

I don’t want to touch any vaginas, though. I’m ok with boobs.

Yes, I am body shaming a middle aged man.

I will drop you off with a stern warning!!!

I just, out loud, told my squirrel salt and pepper shakers not to eat my trail mix.

Yeah no probs. We can go buy a kite and split a bottle of wine slushee.

I just laughed at the word “penis”.

Revlon stopped making my favorite mascara. I feel like I might throw up.

I feel like today all of a sudden my hair is really long.

And now I’m toasting bread because I want to eat butter.

I just yelled “wrong hole” really loudly.

I think I might smell like ham.

Remember light brown M&Ms?

I need a butt massage.

I can’t save all the worms!

 

Song of the Day: First by Cold War Kids. On repeat.