Tag Archives: text message

Is This Thing On?

1 May

This post will make no sense to anyone but me. Well, except maybe Rachel. I really want to start writing again and this is me easing my way back into it. I may even *gasp* buy a computer to do my writing on. (I haven’t owned a computer in about three years). Anyway, this is a compilation of mostly one line text messages I have sent to Rachel over the past few months. They’re not really taken out of context as there usually is no context. I tend to text whatever pops into my head. My brain is a strange, strange place. Hopefully this gets me writing again. We shall see. Enjoy.

It’s weird when mannequins have nipples.

So I shaved my legs this morning because I’m fancy. And I cut myself. ON THE THUMB.

Segway tour! Segway tour!

I don’t want to touch any vaginas, though. I’m ok with boobs.

Yes, I am body shaming a middle aged man.

I will drop you off with a stern warning!!!

I just, out loud, told my squirrel salt and pepper shakers not to eat my trail mix.

Yeah no probs. We can go buy a kite and split a bottle of wine slushee.

I just laughed at the word “penis”.

Revlon stopped making my favorite mascara. I feel like I might throw up.

I feel like today all of a sudden my hair is really long.

And now I’m toasting bread because I want to eat butter.

I just yelled “wrong hole” really loudly.

I think I might smell like ham.

Remember light brown M&Ms?

I need a butt massage.

I can’t save all the worms!


Song of the Day: First by Cold War Kids. On repeat.

What the What???

25 Nov

So….everyone remembers Douchebag, right? I certainly do, but I haven’t thought about him since oh, I don’t know, March 21, 2012, when I wrote that post about him.  Last night, over a year and a half after my last correspondence with Douchebag, I got this text message:

Hi Bethany. It is Douchebag. I wanted to genuinely apologize to you for hurting you back when we met. That was a very dark time for me. I had just divorced my wife for having an affair and I was thinking of no one but myself. You are an incredible person and you deserve the absolute best of everything. I need or ask nothing in return. I just wanted to genuinely apologize to you. I hope for all the best and happiness in the world for you. You certainly deserve it.

I laughed for a good five minutes after I got that text message. And then I felt bad. And then I was shocked. He had been married?!? He never mentioned that. And then I felt bad again, because clearly he had been going through something rough and didn’t want/know how to talk about it. But, he handled it very poorly. Dating several girls at the same time is not really a good way to get back at your ex for cheating on you OR a good way to move on. Dating several girls at the same time is usually not good for anything. And then I laughed again, wondering how many girls he had sent that exact same text message to. PJ suggested that I write back to say “thanks for giving my boyfriend a good laugh” but I figured saying nothing was the way to go. It seems like he realized he made a mistake and he’s moving on. He probably doesn’t need any more salt poured in the wound.

At least he didn’t send a group text this time.

Song of the Day: Cry Me A River by Justin Timberlake