Tag Archives: kool

Adventures in Online Dating

8 Nov

I recently (well, it was recently when I started writing this over a month ago) joined a well-known, free, online dating website, and let me tell you: the world of online dating is a strange, sometimes scary, sometimes depressing place. And it’s covered with photos guys have taken of themselves in a bathroom mirror, often topless.

I know many, many people who have tried, and succeeded, at online dating- people who are now married or engaged or living together. They must have way more patience to weed through the bad stuff than I do. And much higher self-esteem. And courage.

The thing I struggled most with when trying to decide if I would try online dating again (yes, I tried it for a brief time last year, too, and it did not go well) was what to say in my profile. Describing yourself in a manner that is appealing is hard! Or, maybe I’m just really bad at talking about myself. Sure, I have interests and hobbies and goals for my life- but if I truthfully wrote about what I do on a typical day, no one would want to meet me! “I love to sit around in sweatpants and a hoodie eating grilled cheese sandwiches and watching marathons of SVU while talking to my fish” just makes me sound crazy. So, I fudged the truth a little in my profile. Yes, I LOVE the outdoors (as long as I don’t have to sleep there and I don’t get dirty). Sure, cooking is great (if by “cooking” you mean heating up something that came out of a can).  Then, I realized that if I’m lying, EVERYONE is probably lying. What sort of chance does a relationship that’s based on a lie have?

I came up with some semi-interesting things to say about myself in the free response section, searched hard to find some pictures in which my mouth was closed and/or I wasn’t making a “Bethany Face”, and put up the profile. And waited for like 2 seconds before I started getting messages. How desperate are you guys? Do you just sit on this site ALL DAY LONG looking for new profiles? Not 5 minutes in, I was already overwhelmed. And not impressed.

Bethany Face

My favorite messages from the first day:


My thoughts: That is an inappropriate usage of hyphens, sir. Also, you misspelled “you”.

“Hey how are you_? Your really sweet hun soo cute. can I take you out babe?”

My thoughts: Ugh, really? REALLY??? No, you cannot take me out. And I despise being called “babe”.

I deleted my most favorite message, so I can’t type it here word for word, but it contained four smiley faces and the word “kool” which is not actually a word and is making my spell check angry. The four smiley faces prompted me to add a blurb onto the end of my profile warning guys that I would not talk to them if they overused emoticons. Now I was lying AND being bitchy. That’s a great way to make friends.

I also received a lot of messages that just said “hey” or “hi”. That’s it? No other information?

Now, not all of the guys were douchebags. I saw several guys who were cute, seemed intelligent and witty, etc., but they were never interested in me. I had to force myself to stop looking through all the guys who had viewed my profile because it was depressing to see how many of them had no interest in sending me a message. What’s wrong with me??? It was also depressing to send a message and not receive a response. It takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there.

I messaged a few guys back and forth a couple of times, but did not “meet” anyone I was interested in actually meeting.  It’s probably been a month and a half or so since I joined the site and I haven’t been on in weeks. I should probably get around deleting my account…

At this point in my life, all I want is a guy who can string together a complete sentence and is tall enough to reach things off of high shelves for me. Is there a website for that?

Song of the Day:  Coin-Operated Boy by Dresden Dolls