Moving On…

22 Jan

I’m over you.

I didn’t get nervous butterflies in my stomach when I saw you today. I didn’t have a hard time thinking of things to say or get worried that I’d say something stupid. I didn’t get embarrassed when you made fun of my lunch bag. I didn’t care that my hair was in a ponytail or that I was  wearing unflattering pants and old sneakers.

The crush is gone. The crush that I so desperately wanted to be something more. The crush that consumed me for the better part of 3 years is gone, and it feels like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

I can stop looking for you, hoping to run into you on the street or in the store. I can stop stalking your house, checking to see if the lights are on when I walk by. I can stop checking my phone obsessively to see if you’ve texted. I can move on.

No more daydreaming about a future together that I know will never exist. No more being weak and letting you walk all over me and leading me on, however well-disguised that may have been on your part. I can talk to/flirt with/date other guys without thoughts of you popping into my head. No more adult sleepovers that only end with me feeling ashamed of myself, no matter how fun they may have been. I’ve had enough.

No more pretending like I’m over you and building up walls to protect myself that come crashing down with one look, one message. This time it’s for real.

It’s over.

Song of the Day: One More Night by Maroon 5

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