If you are a lady, you most likely recall the first time a boy called you beautiful (your dad does not count). If you’re lucky, it was not just any boy but a boy you liked. It’s a moment where the world really does stop and your breath catches and you feel this incredible warmth sneak up your entire body while at the same time, you feel icy chills tingling your spine. Your tongue catches and you can’t speak because here, in front of you, is your Jake Ryan telling you that he thinks you’re beautiful. And he’s looking into your eyes and you’re melting at his feet because for that moment, that one brief second, you are the most beautiful girl in the world to one person.
It’s then that you lose all logic and end up in a girl fight.
Brief backstory: I am by no means insecure about my appearance. Everyone has their insecurities and I have plenty but I know I’m a pretty attractive individual. However, at this point in my life, no boy had ever referred to me as ‘hot’. I was ‘cute’, I was ‘pretty’, I was ‘adorable’. But never hot. It doesn’t help my best friend is wicked hot and blonde (Damn you, Sheldon). I had come to terms with this predicament because I did have boyfriends and I did receive compliments. Deep down, however, I did want to be known as hot for once. I know it sounds insanely shallow, but, ladies, let’s be real. You all know what I’m talking about. It was some odd fascination with that word. Having boys refer to you as “hot” meant that they wanted you, that you were above other girls who were just ‘pretty’. That you were sexy and more woman than girl and who knows what else my teenage mind thought it meant but it was something that was missing. And this is the shallow side of me exposing itself. But this is a tale of caution. Sometimes getting what you want can lead to destruction…or girl fights.
Freshmen year dorm courtyard. I was making friends and hanging out in the fall warmth. There was boy that I automatically fell head over heels for. This was, to me at the time, the Jake Ryan of freshman boys. He was a boy I never dreamed I could get because, once again, I was the cute girl next door who didn’t really snag boys, I helped them talk to their dream girls who usually were my besties. I digress. This boy starts talking to me and laughing with me and FLIRTING with me. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I turned on all the charm I could muster. And then, without warning, he had his arm around my waist and said “God, you’re so hot. You’re the hottest girl I’ve met here so far.” Um. Holy crap.
At this point, you can imagine I would seriously do anything. Fuck that cute girl. I was the HOTTEST GIRL HE HAD MET YET! I lost all sense of myself in terms of caution and logic, much like Superman would around Kryptonite. Obviously he was telling the truth! I allowed this new friend to escort me back to my dorm room where he kissed me in the hallway. Then he kissed me in the common room. I lived in a suite with two bedrooms, a common room, and 4 residents. My room mate was in the room asleep as she usually was and my suitemates were out.. Because I had lost all sense of reason, I thought “Of course! Let’s totally makeout in my suitemates’ room instead of my own!” In my head, the hot girl I had morphed into also became the slutty girl. Sigh.
They came home, of course, and found me standing there on their newly purchased rug, kissing some strange boy.. I believe pants were still on… My one roommate was a tough girl from New Jersey who I did get along with up until this point. I learned quickly that unlike Vermont, TriState area girls like to physically get into it. So I was promptly shoved up against a wall and screamed at as I tried to explain that Jake Ryan had called me hot and I wasn’t thinking and I was fully dressed (I believe) and we were going to go right to my room but somehow we ended up in hers. Note: I am sober this entire time (I believe).
Jake Ryan had fled the scene by now. He was not there to protect me. I think he realized I was an impostor and not actually a hot girl but a shy one who got lost in the splendor of being a sex object for 5 minutes. I ran out of the dorm once Jersey had released her acrylic talons from my shoulders and hid in the boys room directly upstairs from me. These boys were our buds and were very sweet to keep me sheltered for a few hours til Jersey calmed down. They did not refrain from mocking me for months to come, however.
It was, in fact, my second girl fight. The first was in third grade when it was discovered I had a crush on a boy who was ‘seeing’ another girl and she found out and confronted me at recess and told me to “Keep your sticky paws off my man.” Third grade. I have witnesses.
I recall the warmth and joy I felt when he called me ‘hot’. Every happiness was filled with just that one little adjective being said about me to my face. Thankfully, because of this experience, I do realize now that compliments aren’t everything and spending your life waiting for one is wasting time not loving yourself as you are because if you let them affect your judgment, you could end up having a very angry girl from Jersey being pulled off of you in your dorm room.
Also, if you don’t know the Jake Ryan movie reference, I don’t know if you should be reading this blog because I will have a lot of John Hughes characters mentioned.